Author Archives: Antonella Gambotto-Burke

Written in the Scars: fear of intimacy and sex addiction

“Sexual acting out is often used by people who feel shame around having any emotional needs … Because [sexual] acting out to regulate unwanted feelings has become a ‘default setting’, recovering addicts will experience stress when they are expected to be intimate, open and honest.” – *John Beveridge

Fearful avoidance of sex and compulsive sexual acting out are two sides of the same coin: attachment disorder. The only solution is intimacy, however gradual, so choose love.

*John is an attachment based Psychoanalytic psychotherapist working in North and Central London in private practice. Trained at the Bowlby Centre London and in Supervision at SAP (Society of analytical psychology) John has also trained at The Institute for Group Analysis (IGA) He has studied PIT Trauma Reduction and Sex Addiction at the Meadows Arizona, trained in sex addiction with Paula Hall and with Thaddeus Birchard. He teaches therapists in training at and runs groups for sexually compulsive men at The Marylebone Centre. John enjoys spreading understanding about Sex addiction through writing and public speaking. He can be contacted via telephone (+44 (0)7979 862 765) and via email

Loving an adult survivor of child sex abuse

“For most people, when they were abused it wasn’t by somebody who jumped out of the bushes, but by somebody they had a trusting, loving relationship with. A sense of trust got merged with a sense of betrayal when it comes to their sexuality. The closer they get to someone, here comes that trust issue. So they pull back emotionally and sexually.”

The Aftermath of Child Sex Abuse

“In this climate of profoundly disrupted relationships the child faces a formidable developmental task. She must find a way to form primary attachments to caretakers who are either dangerous or, from her perspective, negligent. She must find a way to develop a sense of basic trust and safety with caretakers who are untrustworthy and unsafe … She must develop the capacity for initiative in an environment which demands that she bring her will into complete conformity with that of her abuser. And ultimately, she must develop a capacity for intimacy out of an environment where all intimate relationships are corrupt, and an identity out of an environment which defines her as a whore and a slave.”

― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence – From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror


Mama: Love, Motherhood + Revolution


So much going on at the moment – articles to be published, book-related news, etc. – but no time to report. Until then, just some of the coverage for #1 Amazon motherhood bestseller on its release Mama: Love, Motherhood and Revolution – not that I’m suggesting you buy a copy for all the mothers in your life for Mother’s Day or anything, although it would, along with a hologram of Lord Byron and a month at Claridge’s, make a SMASHING gift. Mama: Love, Motherhood and Revolution is available on Amazon or x

Interview / Online / UK

Extract / Newspaper / UK

Extract / Magazine / South Africa

Interview / Newspaper / UK

Extract / Online / UK

Review / Online / USA

Interview / Magazine / UK

Review / Newspaper / Asia

Interview / Newspaper / Asia

Interview / Newspaper / Australia

Interview / Radio / Australia

Essay / Newspaper / Australia

Interview / Radio / Australia

Interview / Radio / Australia

Extract / Newspaper / Australia

Review / Online / Australia

Interview / Online / Australia

Review / Newspaper / Australia

Interview / Radio / Australia

Interview / Newspaper / Australia

*Image: Sydney University’s School of Social and Political Sciences Magazine, Issue 4, 2016 /
Quote by Dr Anjalee Cohen

The Force / Don Winslow

My review of Don Winslow’s new blockbuster can be found here.

Other that Guns and Penises, The Force was the only possible title, really, because tough guys need to surround themselves with things that make them feel tough. Titles like Ideological Dinosaurs Still Roam The Earth or My Knob, My Rules or American Fuckwit just didn’t have the same commercial punch. Some quotes from this new classic of modern literature?

What passes for a compliment:

Malone says, “You spic cunt.”
Paz smiles at him. “Spic cunt is famously good. That’s why everyone wants them some.”


How the hero expresses his anger towards a woman:

Malone gets up, goes for her. “You fucking cunt!”

Because real men don’t need to explain their anger in a respectful way – they just get abusive.


What passes for love:

“It was her voice, low and soft, even more than her looks, that first drew him to her. A voice full of promises and reassurance. You’ll find comfort here. And pleasure. In my arms, in my mouth, in my pussy.”

Mouth, pussy and arms/arse: these are the most important attributes of any woman. Listen to Don, children. He’s old and wise. The man knows what he’s talking about!


What passes for humour:

“‘… then he wets his dick in thousand-dollar pussy, comes out and says, ‘Don’t tell Amy’!’ They all crack up again.”

Because ninety dollar pussy is for losers, and because it’s really, really funny to feel bad about fucking a woman other than your partner. It is, in fact, it is so funny that all the male characters “crack up”. As if a real man would be honest, faithful or respectful with a woman! D’oh!


How women talk to the men they love:

“You smell like pussy, you motherfucker. White pussy, some ratchet?”

I have yet to finish calculating the value of white pussy in relation to black pussy – taking ratchet and non-ratchet variables into account, of course … over to you, Don!

'We're hoping to go back to the James Bond of the novels, so we're looking for a sexist, misogynist dinosaur.'

Observations on the younger generation:

“So much young pussy around these days and they give it away for an iTunes download.”

Did anyone say “blonde moment”? These girls need to enroll in the legendary business course “Bang for Your Buck: Valuing Pussy 101” pronto! Subjects covered include:

– Explore how to make pussy appraisal decisions and valuation!
– Examine the workings and efficiency of pussy markets!
– Master the principles of cock structure!
– Perform valuations of pussies using real-world cases!
– Learn how to put a value on any pussy in a global context!

Base your future decisions on the knowledge of pussy markets, cost of lingerie, cash flow modelling, liquidity, intellectual governance, cross-gender transactions, optimal aesthetic value and analysis of oral technique. A baccalaureate in pornography is, of course, is essential.


What real men do on a Saturday night:

“You don’t go bowling. That’s just a cover to pig out, get drunk and fuck cheap whores.”

As if! Our hero only fucks expensive whores.


What passes for romance:

“You were never ‘some whore I fucked.’”

Golly. Is it hot in here, or have I just been staring at Don Winslow’s jacket photograph?

Don Winslow, former African safari guide, applies the same principles to his hero

Don Winslow, former African safari guide, applies the same principles to his hero

Why all women should be euthanised at the age of thirty:

“… the smell of old garbage and stale urine, sweet, sour, sickly and corrupt as an old whore’s perfume.”

Yes, “old” (prob over 28) whores smell like “old garbage and stale urine”, but old johns are very different. Old johns are what EVERY piece of thousand-dollar pussy wants – and the older, the better. What kind of freakish young woman would want a gentle, respectful, beautiful guy her own age? Gimme sumdat sugarstick, Methuselah! Sixtysomething men, in fact, offer a pleasure so intense that, like Precambrian poster-boy Hugh Hefner, they require multiple young partners simultaneously. Yes, ladies, they are SEXUAL STEAM ENGINES. Don’t believe me?

“Harry was sixtysomething, I dunno,” Russo says, “but fucking like he’s nineteen. Two girls at a time, three, he’s a steam engine. Girls are tag-teaming, he’s wearing them out … So this one night … there’s Harry, in the sack, hookers standing around him weeping like he’s Jesus or something.”

As it happens, Don is 63. (I’m still trying to work out what that means in relation to the quote.)


What passes for an evening out:

“… usually just an excuse to get drunk with your buddies or bang some whore, or both.”

Yes, that’s right, children: “some whore” – a thing, an object, three holes and an invoice.


And people ask why I married a much younger man.